Chapter 28: Letting go, letting be

This chapter will explore the many ways in which holding on to grief and impossible dreams are characteristic of womb twin survivors.  We will discover how a carefully-prepared farewell ritual, or some other form of letting go and letting be, could set you free from the painful feelings that lie in your personal Black Hole.

Holding on to grief
Holding on to grief means that it will remain unresolved.  Unresolved grief in the lives of womb twin survivors seems to underlie major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and generalized anxiety.  Holding on to grief for your lost womb twin can be resolved by fully expressing it.  

Create a focus
One way to let go of grief is to create a focus for it, for where there is no focus, grief cannot fully be expressed.  For example, when someone dies and no tangible remains are left, an alternative focus for grief can be created.  In the vault of Westminster Abbey in London, England for example, there is the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.  The large engraved stone slab, just inside the main doors, is a focus for the grief of millions of families and friends, who lost a soldier in war but no identifiable remains were ever found.  The Tomb of the Unknowns in the Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, USA is there for the same reason.  Most of our lost womb twins have no grave, so there is no focus for grief.  This makes grieving very difficult. 

Becoming aware
Your grieving may have been blocked because you have been unaware until now that you are a womb twin survivor.  You may not have realized until now that the loss of a twin could generate such strong feelings.  If you have had many deaths in your family, particularly if there have been several deaths in a short time period, you may still be carrying intense grief for them all.  When at last you give yourself permission to grieve for your twin, the strength of feeling may take you by surprise.  The preoccupation with death, which is characteristic of many womb twin survivors, is expressed in many different ways.  Some womb twin survivors often think of death, repeatedly risk their lives, attempt to overcome death or work hard to preserve their youth.  Once blocked grief can be released by creating a focus and letting the feelings surface, the preoccupation with death diminishes or ceases completely.

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