Teatime for witches
This is from the German womb twin survivors blog:
It's so strange. When you start to discover that you are a womb twin survivor and make the connections, your feelings go 'BABOOM'. Equally strong you:
1. ...feel left alone, are desperate and this hole inside you hurts even more than before.
2. On the other hand - finally you know about it! You had (a) twinsibling(s)! You love him/her. But in the next moment...
3. You feel he/she is dead and you are so mad at it and everybody. Your parents, the world, your friends, your siblings - the living and the dead ones. And also...
4. ...are there doubts that like to crawl into your mind. How could you know this is true and not made up because it would be just a fine explanation why you are who you are and why you feel what you feel? Or you may ask yourself how can you know wether brother or sister, one or two?
Here's my advice now. Feel it all, whatever comes up. Love, desperation, anger/hatred, disappointment, doubts, love again, sadness... Everything is there for a reason. The doubts as well as the confusion. I know it's hard but the trick really, really is to let it pass through your body (yes, after all it's a body memory activated and the intellect has nothing to do with it) and live with it. Live with it. I can't stress this enough. Deny yourself joy if you want, and enjoy life whenever it's possible.
Also, make symbols for your twin(s). But not to carry around, give them a place at home and think of it whenever you want. When outside you can feel that it's home, safe and sound. When home you can live alongside it or confront it, touch it, whatever you need to do. You have to feel it. That's the trick.
And last but not least find something to express your feelings. Talking is a method most people use. However, it's hard especially for wombtwin survivors to find somebody they trust with all of their feelings (that they are just discovering anyway) - so consider other methods. Writing a diary or blog. Adressing a god/goddess, if you like. Writing stories. Paint, draw, make music, dance... you are creative (that's the gift of being a wombtwin survivor) you'll now what to do. ;-)
Wow, these are all good thoughts and ideas and they are exactly how I felt at different points along the way. After all, I had been feeling like I was missing a twin since I was a child. It was not a vague feeling at all. I consider myself blessed that I "knew" as much as I did, even though nobody believed me for years and years, it was worth it when I finally found the Wombtwin sites, especially this one. Everything was finally validated. I went throught the anger phase in my early twenties, I felt abandoned by my twin, and I was mad at her for awhile, I felt that she had deserted me just when I needed her most. Then I felt guilt for being angry at a helpless little embryo that couldn't help what happened. But we have worked it all out, as twins do. I just feel her ever-present love all around me, and she knows I will always love her.
ReplyDelete