Womb twin kids: (1) Should I tell my child about their twin?

If you are a parent and  you were for a short while expecting  twins, but one twin died during the pregnancy - or was born dead- then should you tell your child? This is how the debate may go:

NO

•  But is it necessarily something your child needs to know ? 
• The whole idea of pregnancy loss may just be too much for a child to understand.  
• As a young child there is no need to tell her. 
• It would be confusing and do much more harm than good.  
• You certainly don't want your child to feel guilty about being the survivor. 
• And you certainly don't want your child to feel remorse or mourning. 
• I don't want to create a sense of loss that otherwise wouldn't exist.

 YES:

•  Telling your young womb twin survivor may be a way for you to preserve the baby's memory and make him/her part of the family in a more concrete way. It may be a way to let your other children know there was another baby. 
•  Maybe if it was a logical time (i.e. perhaps if your womb twin kid is a girl and one day she may be pregnant with her own child.
•  Tell a girl at the stage of having children herself, depending on see how emotionally stable she is at the time. I would hate her to grow up feeling that a part of her was missing. 
•  Your child might overhear or sense it and get it twisted up, best to tell the truth, straight out. 
•  Twins might run in your family. What if your son has a twin one day? Would you then want to say "Well, that's not too surprising as you were supposed to be a twin." 
•  Waiting until the baby is a teenager risks it being a big deal. Telling it to the kid early on (in terms he / she can understand and then explaining in more adult terms when he is old enough to comprehend) almost guarantees it will never be a big deal or a problem. 
• Be sure you know exactly what your want your child to take away from this information, and what you don't.

What do you think?

Learn more about the Womb Twin Kids project  here:


www.wombtwinkids.co.uk

The WombTwin Kids project

Its time now to help the very youngest womb twin survivors. What can we do for babies and preschool children?  Now the new book is available for  printing (have you ordered yours yet?)  its time to develop and deliver the Womb Twin Kids project.

I have been in touch with Rara Schlitt, who is a gifted and sensitive children's book illustrator. 
She has created for me 13 beautiful illustrations for the next Womb twin book, "Two little birds." This is an allegory of the loss of a twin, about two little birds who hatched out of the same egg and specially created for  young children to read with their parents.

In May and June we will be holding some play therapy sessions for preschool womb twin survivors with their parents. If you live within reach of St Albans in Hertfordshire, England, contact me and come and join in the fun.

If you have a child who is a womb twin survivor, please make a comment here about what has been difficult, what are the rewards, in fact, anything you want to say!

Together we can create some play materials and books to help young womb twin survivors come to terms with their loss and make it easier for parents to talk to them about it.

Looking forward to your comments, and thanks in advance for your help!