For a DZ survivor, the best surrogate twin is someone of the same sex as the twin who died, and someone of similar age. A parent of the same sex may do very well in infancy or early child hood, but quickly, by the age of 3 or 4, the need is for someone of a similar age, and that means a Best Friend.
Many womb twin survivors try to make their parents into their best friend (and vice versa), particularly if either or both parents are also womb twin survivors. Then the child may act very mature while the parents acts very immature, so that can meet on common ground.
The upshot of this attempt to keep the Dream of the Womb alive is that no one is being their authentic self and in particular, no one acts their age - and no one finds what they are looking for.
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
Showing posts with label surrogate twin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surrogate twin. Show all posts
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Friday, May 16, 2008
The identical twin bond
On the wombtwin forum [take a look here] there has been some discussion about the twin bond, formed in the womb. Now there does seem to be some research that says that the identical twin bond is stronger than the fraternal twin bond, in that separated identical twins, meeting for the first time after a lifetime, are bonded to each other within seconds, whereas separated fraternal twins sometimes meet as strangers, and occasionally fall in love and want to marry each other, which causes a lot of legal problems. The bond is strong, but not the same as with an identical twin.
As a surviving fraternal twin myself, this is something I have neglected in my work with wombtwin survivors. We need new ways to help lone identical twins.
A good suggestion is the surrogate twin. This is an idea that came to be from the USA. It seems that if two lone surviving identical twins of the same sex adopt one another, this is healing for them both. This is not a homosexual relationship: this is a spiritual connection and is made for the sole purpose of supporting one another through the healing process.
Here is a little quote from a story in The Silent Cry;
As a surviving fraternal twin myself, this is something I have neglected in my work with wombtwin survivors. We need new ways to help lone identical twins.
A good suggestion is the surrogate twin. This is an idea that came to be from the USA. It seems that if two lone surviving identical twins of the same sex adopt one another, this is healing for them both. This is not a homosexual relationship: this is a spiritual connection and is made for the sole purpose of supporting one another through the healing process.
Here is a little quote from a story in The Silent Cry;
Together my adopted twin and I are growing into our individuality
so that someday we will be soul friends, more so than twins.
so that someday we will be soul friends, more so than twins.
Do any readers want to comment on this?
Has anyone tried this idea? Did it work or not?
Has anyone tried this idea? Did it work or not?
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