I thought: Ill set up a monthly newsletter for members and associates. Three weeks later its done. It is an interesting idea - who do I send it to? Just members and associates? Well, I sent it to people who are directly involved with this project and whose email addresses I have. If you are reading this and think you would like to be on the list, just click here to subscribe.
I hope that as many more people hear about this project the word will spread. There is so much ignorance about the reality of " vanishing twin" phenomenon. Here is what one mother, who conceived through IVF, said on her blog:
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Our newsletter, vanished twins and hoarding
I thought: Ill set up a monthly newsletter for members and associates. Three weeks later its done. It is an interesting idea - who do I send it to? Just members and associates? Well, I sent it to people who are directly involved with this project and whose email addresses I have. If you are reading this and think you would like to be on the list, just click here to subscribe.
I hope that as many more people hear about this project the word will spread. There is so much ignorance about the reality of " vanishing twin" phenomenon. Here is what one mother, who conceived through IVF, said on her blog:
"Before week 10 there is a 1 in 5 chance of having a "vanished twin" where one embryo is absorbed into the uterus lining. "
The embryo is not "absorbed". The body of the embryo dies and gradually disintegrates but the cord and the sac do not. They are not living tissue and therefore cannot die. Some remnants of the sac and cord may still be visible after birth, attached to the placenta. For the survivor, these little remains are there as the aftermath of a tragedy that is beyond words. It could be that the tendency to hoard material such as paper and other reminders of the past is a wordless way to express a deep sense of someone beloved gone away, leaving only a cord and an empty sac to show that this little lost twin had ever existed.
There is an article about this here.
I hope that as many more people hear about this project the word will spread. There is so much ignorance about the reality of " vanishing twin" phenomenon. Here is what one mother, who conceived through IVF, said on her blog:
"Before week 10 there is a 1 in 5 chance of having a "vanished twin" where one embryo is absorbed into the uterus lining. "
The embryo is not "absorbed". The body of the embryo dies and gradually disintegrates but the cord and the sac do not. They are not living tissue and therefore cannot die. Some remnants of the sac and cord may still be visible after birth, attached to the placenta. For the survivor, these little remains are there as the aftermath of a tragedy that is beyond words. It could be that the tendency to hoard material such as paper and other reminders of the past is a wordless way to express a deep sense of someone beloved gone away, leaving only a cord and an empty sac to show that this little lost twin had ever existed.
There is an article about this here.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The fraternal twin pair: is it what it seems?
There is a golden rule in determining zygosity; that if there is one placenta and two babies, then we have identical twins. If the babies grow up to look a bit different from each other, the idea of their being identical still seems to remain.
On the other hand, if we have two placentas, do we have fraternal twins? A percentage of identical twins do develop separate placentas, so we cannot use the number of placentas as a certain guide. At an individual level, pairs of twins can seek out an expert to prove their zygosity by looking directly at their genes.
A further complication is the “vanishing twin” pregnancy. A pair of fraternal twins may be a triplet set, reduced to twins in the earliest stages of pregnancy and not picked up by ultrasound. If the lost triplet was of the opposite sex and an identical pair survived, then the transfer of gender-related hormones, which is known to occur between fraternal twins, may obscure the results if this twin pair takes part in research. Equally, if the lost triplet was one of an identical pair, then the surviving fraternal twins will not simply be the result of a double ovulation but instead will be a reduced triplet pregnancy, resulting in one surviving identical twin and another who is genetically unrelated. When one considers the complexities of naturally reduced triplet sets, then the placenta rule, which is after all no more than a rule of thumb, becomes far too unreliable.
On the other hand, if we have two placentas, do we have fraternal twins? A percentage of identical twins do develop separate placentas, so we cannot use the number of placentas as a certain guide. At an individual level, pairs of twins can seek out an expert to prove their zygosity by looking directly at their genes.
A further complication is the “vanishing twin” pregnancy. A pair of fraternal twins may be a triplet set, reduced to twins in the earliest stages of pregnancy and not picked up by ultrasound. If the lost triplet was of the opposite sex and an identical pair survived, then the transfer of gender-related hormones, which is known to occur between fraternal twins, may obscure the results if this twin pair takes part in research. Equally, if the lost triplet was one of an identical pair, then the surviving fraternal twins will not simply be the result of a double ovulation but instead will be a reduced triplet pregnancy, resulting in one surviving identical twin and another who is genetically unrelated. When one considers the complexities of naturally reduced triplet sets, then the placenta rule, which is after all no more than a rule of thumb, becomes far too unreliable.
Friday, January 18, 2008
A June conference: from theory to therapy
Well, it's under way now. I have managed to organise a conference, the first of its kind in the world. It will be held in London on June 21st 2008 and the theme will be "From Theory to Therapy".
Its time to stopped theorising about wombtwin survivors and began to take action. What form the therapy should take is anyone's guess, but the 30-step "healing path" that we have gradually created over the last few years does seem to be very helpful. (Its an e-book now. Get it here if you want it.)
I will give an updated presentation about the lost twin in the womb, that will be like the one on the website, but including some of the latest research results.
Our new non-profit company, Wombtwin.com Ltd, is rapidly collecting members from the UK and Europe, and of course members get a discount on the conference ticket - the usual kind of thing. We also have "Associates" who live outside Europe. (That's free, so people like signing up to that!)
For anyone reading this who wants to know more, here is the brochure to download right now!
Its time to stopped theorising about wombtwin survivors and began to take action. What form the therapy should take is anyone's guess, but the 30-step "healing path" that we have gradually created over the last few years does seem to be very helpful. (Its an e-book now. Get it here if you want it.)
I will give an updated presentation about the lost twin in the womb, that will be like the one on the website, but including some of the latest research results.
Our new non-profit company, Wombtwin.com Ltd, is rapidly collecting members from the UK and Europe, and of course members get a discount on the conference ticket - the usual kind of thing. We also have "Associates" who live outside Europe. (That's free, so people like signing up to that!)
For anyone reading this who wants to know more, here is the brochure to download right now!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Platitudes for the depressed
So Pamela Stevenson (now Connolly) has written some books about psychology.
The one about depression seems to be full of platitudes that get nowhere near the problem.
Here is a a short list of what you can do about depression while you wait for that appointment with a psychiatrist for some antidepressants which will slow you down and nicely blurr the issues and make life liveable again.
If I was bothered about myself enough to exercise and eat healthily and have friends who hugged me and had a structured meaningful existence I would not be depressed at all.
We dont know about depression. Depression is a mystery. People don't suddenly get depressed, they have a lifelong tendency towards depression. What if depression is grief and loss and terrible sadness and utter helplessness and isolation? What if people with a tendency to depression get platitudes thrown at them and no empathy whatever for how they truly feel?
No one is listening to the wombtwin survivors who feel grief and loss and terrible sadness and utter helplessness and isolation. Call it depression, a personality disorder or what you will, but there is a rational intelligent and loving reason why some people feel this way.
We need to ask those vital questions about the mothers pregnancy!
The one about depression seems to be full of platitudes that get nowhere near the problem.
Here is a a short list of what you can do about depression while you wait for that appointment with a psychiatrist for some antidepressants which will slow you down and nicely blurr the issues and make life liveable again.
- Educate yourself and others round you about depression.
- Make a list of any specific concerns that may be contributing to your depression.
- Try to take care of those things as best you can.
- Make a list of positive things in your life about which you feel hopeful, focus on these things.
- Try to exercise. Try to eat a nutritious healthy diet. Pay a little more attention to your physical appearance.
- Gather support from friends and family. Garner human touch. Don't isolate yourself.
- Create a daily schedule of activities for yourself.
If I was bothered about myself enough to exercise and eat healthily and have friends who hugged me and had a structured meaningful existence I would not be depressed at all.
We dont know about depression. Depression is a mystery. People don't suddenly get depressed, they have a lifelong tendency towards depression. What if depression is grief and loss and terrible sadness and utter helplessness and isolation? What if people with a tendency to depression get platitudes thrown at them and no empathy whatever for how they truly feel?
No one is listening to the wombtwin survivors who feel grief and loss and terrible sadness and utter helplessness and isolation. Call it depression, a personality disorder or what you will, but there is a rational intelligent and loving reason why some people feel this way.
We need to ask those vital questions about the mothers pregnancy!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The vanishing twin in film
Well, a film has been made about vanishing twins, here is the summary:
Olivia and her four friends hold a purifying water fast in her secluded cottage.
Docile and introverted, the girl is easy prey for her deceitful guests, who ridicule her and her vanishing twin -- an unborn child absorbed by Olivia in the womb.
Torment takes hold and Olivia ferociously removes the only palpable link she has with her dead twin -- a tooth lodged beneath the skin of her shoulder.
But discarding it down the drain only brings the horrific past to the surface.
Just as water awakens his hidden life, it is water that will gruesomely take life away.
Watch it on utubeDocile and introverted, the girl is easy prey for her deceitful guests, who ridicule her and her vanishing twin -- an unborn child absorbed by Olivia in the womb.
Torment takes hold and Olivia ferociously removes the only palpable link she has with her dead twin -- a tooth lodged beneath the skin of her shoulder.
But discarding it down the drain only brings the horrific past to the surface.
Just as water awakens his hidden life, it is water that will gruesomely take life away.
I haven't see the film but it looks like once she removes the tooth (a teratoma or dermoid cyst, they often contain teeth) the memory/spirit of her lost twin brother is revived and comes to her. There's lots of blood and its classified as "horror."
This is not helpful. When are we going to see vanishing twin phenomenon as a natural, very sad process leaving a psycho/spiritual impression, but one that can be healed in a few months of wombtwin work? But no, it must be a horror film. It makes me angry. So negative.
This is not helpful. When are we going to see vanishing twin phenomenon as a natural, very sad process leaving a psycho/spiritual impression, but one that can be healed in a few months of wombtwin work? But no, it must be a horror film. It makes me angry. So negative.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Is this a mental ilness?
Here is a nice list sent to me by an enquirer who had been diagnosed with "mental illness" but found the site by herself and is now wondering......
I have recently come to think that there is a strong possibility I may be a wombtwin survivor.
Here are a few of my reasons:
I have recently come to think that there is a strong possibility I may be a wombtwin survivor.
Here are a few of my reasons:
- My mum almost had a miscarriage 3-4 months into the pregnancy
- There is a history of twins on both sides of my family, but none in my generation
- I am left handed
- I always had imaginary friends as a child
- I think my twin was a brother - I always got on better with boys as a child and preferred their games and toys, although I never actually wanted to be a boy
- I have always been fascinated by and jealous of twins
- I am not at all competitive and would give in to anyone as winning makes me feel guilty
- There has always been something missing in my life - I have been searching for someone like me but never quite found them, I just feel "different" and alone.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
The wombtwin hypothesis can save you money!
On this site I read about K, a young woman with an eating disorder.
K had suffered from an eating disorder for many years. She had gone from therapy to therapy and ended up with a male psychoanalyst, who was prepared to see her five times a week, when she lay on a couch and spoke at length about her inner feelings and desires. When she began the therapy she was in deep despair.
As the therapy continued the eating disorder resolved but was replaced by a series of very dangerous accidents resulting in severe and disabling injury that occurred each time she was betrayed and disappointed by a boy friend. The therapy was very stormy as K began to feel suicidal, and the therapist began to feel as if he was in some sense keeping K alive. He worked hard to keep the therapy going, even allowing her free treatments and irregular meetings.
It was clear that here was a case of self-destructive behavior. The therapist made K promise not to kill herself. Together they traced this tendency to "early and profound childhood disappointments". K felt unlovable and therefore deserved punishment. It was assumed that K's mother did not want her and was not emotionally available, and K felt she should not have been born at all. The therapist became deeply concerned about the unprofessional depth of his involvement with this clent. He had to learn to stand back a little and let her heal on her own and be responsible for her own life. The therapy ended when at last K found a man who loved her, they married and she had children: twins.
This therapy had continued for fifteen years. That is more than 700 hours of therapy.
The report abstract ends with these words : ".... the crucial importance of longterm psychoanalytic therapy as a life-saving procedure in cases where it is appropriate, in spite of the great amount of time and expense involved."
You bet. This is surely a blatant case of an undiscovered wombtwin survivor who lost a twin brother before birth. The therapist - obviously a kind and very empathetic man - made a nice stand-in. Life was liveable for K while he was there for her. When will they learn????
K had suffered from an eating disorder for many years. She had gone from therapy to therapy and ended up with a male psychoanalyst, who was prepared to see her five times a week, when she lay on a couch and spoke at length about her inner feelings and desires. When she began the therapy she was in deep despair.
As the therapy continued the eating disorder resolved but was replaced by a series of very dangerous accidents resulting in severe and disabling injury that occurred each time she was betrayed and disappointed by a boy friend. The therapy was very stormy as K began to feel suicidal, and the therapist began to feel as if he was in some sense keeping K alive. He worked hard to keep the therapy going, even allowing her free treatments and irregular meetings.
It was clear that here was a case of self-destructive behavior. The therapist made K promise not to kill herself. Together they traced this tendency to "early and profound childhood disappointments". K felt unlovable and therefore deserved punishment. It was assumed that K's mother did not want her and was not emotionally available, and K felt she should not have been born at all. The therapist became deeply concerned about the unprofessional depth of his involvement with this clent. He had to learn to stand back a little and let her heal on her own and be responsible for her own life. The therapy ended when at last K found a man who loved her, they married and she had children: twins.
This therapy had continued for fifteen years. That is more than 700 hours of therapy.
The report abstract ends with these words : ".... the crucial importance of longterm psychoanalytic therapy as a life-saving procedure in cases where it is appropriate, in spite of the great amount of time and expense involved."
You bet. This is surely a blatant case of an undiscovered wombtwin survivor who lost a twin brother before birth. The therapist - obviously a kind and very empathetic man - made a nice stand-in. Life was liveable for K while he was there for her. When will they learn????
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Peter Neubauer & Viola Bernard separated twin study
Viola W Bernard, 1907-1998, a social psychologist, left the world 128.5 cubic feet of papers in 378 boxes, 5 oversize boxes and 3 folders. [what a hoarder!!]
In box no 74 there are papers on a study of twins deliberately reared apart.
5.4: Child Development Center (CDC): Twin Study [Twins Reared Apart], 1953-1997
(3 boxes; 1 cubic foot). Most files CLOSED until January 1, 2021.
Correspondence, mostly with Louise Wise Services, one of the three sponsoring institutions of the study; meeting minutes; progress reports; financial and fundraising records; scientific publications; and newspaper clippings. The primary records of the project were donated by the Child Development Center to Yale University, where they will be opened to researchers in 2020. The bulk of this series is likewise closed until that date.
Bernard was co-investigator with Peter Neubauer in this longitudinal prospective research project about identical twins placed as infants in separate adoptive homes and reared apart. Bernard wrote in 1963 that the study "provides a natural laboratory situation for studying certain questions with respect to the nature-nurture issue and of family dynamic interactions in relation to personality development." The study later aroused controversy, chiefly because the adoptive parents and adoptees were not informed about the twinship, in keeping with the practice of the day.
But now the separated twins are complaining. Listen here
This not just because they weren't told. This is an identity issue. Twins reared apart must be told they they are twins; lone twins who lose their twin at birth must be told that they were once one of a twin pair: wombtwin survivors need to know that they were once part of a twin pair. It's the same problem. Its "who am I?"
Surviving twins who suffer with "low self esteem", with "a weak ego" or a "poor sense of self" simply need to know the truth of who they are. Then they can feel strong and whole again. Identical twins need that most. They were once a single entity: they are the fertilized ovum, which divided into two. They spend their lives wishing to be reunited. Unless they can be together as a pair they cannot feel whole. Its perfectly obvious to anyone who works with twins. Identical twins have special needs, and these needs must be respected if there is to be ethical practice in working with them.
Wombtwin survivors know how painful twin loss can be: to deliberately separate identical twins and to choose to bar them from access to their twin is unethical, and nothing short of child abuse.
In box no 74 there are papers on a study of twins deliberately reared apart.
5.4: Child Development Center (CDC): Twin Study [Twins Reared Apart], 1953-1997
(3 boxes; 1 cubic foot). Most files CLOSED until January 1, 2021.
Correspondence, mostly with Louise Wise Services, one of the three sponsoring institutions of the study; meeting minutes; progress reports; financial and fundraising records; scientific publications; and newspaper clippings. The primary records of the project were donated by the Child Development Center to Yale University, where they will be opened to researchers in 2020. The bulk of this series is likewise closed until that date.
Bernard was co-investigator with Peter Neubauer in this longitudinal prospective research project about identical twins placed as infants in separate adoptive homes and reared apart. Bernard wrote in 1963 that the study "provides a natural laboratory situation for studying certain questions with respect to the nature-nurture issue and of family dynamic interactions in relation to personality development." The study later aroused controversy, chiefly because the adoptive parents and adoptees were not informed about the twinship, in keeping with the practice of the day.
But now the separated twins are complaining. Listen here
This not just because they weren't told. This is an identity issue. Twins reared apart must be told they they are twins; lone twins who lose their twin at birth must be told that they were once one of a twin pair: wombtwin survivors need to know that they were once part of a twin pair. It's the same problem. Its "who am I?"
Surviving twins who suffer with "low self esteem", with "a weak ego" or a "poor sense of self" simply need to know the truth of who they are. Then they can feel strong and whole again. Identical twins need that most. They were once a single entity: they are the fertilized ovum, which divided into two. They spend their lives wishing to be reunited. Unless they can be together as a pair they cannot feel whole. Its perfectly obvious to anyone who works with twins. Identical twins have special needs, and these needs must be respected if there is to be ethical practice in working with them.
Wombtwin survivors know how painful twin loss can be: to deliberately separate identical twins and to choose to bar them from access to their twin is unethical, and nothing short of child abuse.
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