Saturday, February 19, 2011

Chapter 19: Difficult feelings

Free-floating feelings

If you are a womb twin survivor and have not yet been able fully to unravel your Dream of the Womb, then your feelings may not make much sense to you at the moment.  To make sense of them you will probably have created some seemingly irrational beliefs in order to find a place for these free-floating feelings to come to rest.  Free-floating feelings are very disturbing and unsettling to experience and can make you feel as if you are going crazy.  In this chapter we will see how they are in fact perfectly rational when considered in the context of the Dream of the Womb. 

I have a problem with expressing anger - either there is too much or too little

Anger is a strong and powerful emotion.  The appropriate expression of strength and personal power by means of anger is a problem for many womb twin survivors.  Finding it difficult to express your personal power is related to the two-fold character of the womb twin survivor.  If you are a womb twin survivor, you probably spend most of your life re-enacting the life of your weaker, Beta twin while knowing that you are the strong Alpha survivor.  This dual existence creates an inner conflict about who you are and how to express your personal power.  There is a variety of ways to resolve this split.  Some people adopt the public false face of their weaker Beta twin while keeping private their true Alpha feelings. 

Irene: I never get angry
Irene has claimed for years that she “never gets angry.”  She avoids confrontation wherever she can.  She just smiles and continues to “comply” in a false, exaggerated way.  She seems to be completely unaware that her behaviour is very provocative.  When other people are driven to anger by her false compliance, Irene is privately critical of their lack of control over their own anger.  She admits no anger or irritation, only to “feeling disappointed” that people do not behave as calmly as she would wish.

When you deny your normal, angry feelings in this way to keep your 
Beta twin alive in your life, your powerful Alpha feelings will need to find an outlet.  However, to preserve your adopted “Beta status” they must remain hidden.  Denied an outlet, angry feelings develop into a bitter indignation at having been “treated unfairly.”  If you can’t remember some unfair or cruel treatment you can always exaggerate a small slight into a major episode of “rejection.”  Alternatively, if there is no place for your floating anger to settle, you may simply look for reasons to be angry with yourself. 

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