Sunday, March 13, 2011

The narcissistic womb twin survivor (5) need for attention

What is narcissism? [see here for details]
Probably the most characteristic sign of a narcissistic individual is the way they invariably end up being the centre of attention.  They have a subtle but highly effective way to capture the energy around them. They may do it the POSITIVE way, by being good, clever, gifted, talented, beautiful etc. Alternatively they may do it in a NEGATIVE way, by breaking rules/ boundaries, making a noise, causing trouble, having tantrums etc.

To relate this to being an identical twin survivor is quite simple: all you have to do is to examine how you feel when you are with them. If you are with  someone who always claims the centre stage, that puts  them in the No1 position while by default you are forced to adopt the No 2 position.

Here is a typical and often repeated example:a narsissistic individual attended one of my seminar/workshops. She was so dominant in the group that 10 other people listened in silence to her long story and complied with her wishes, which was to carry out a workshop on a different topic to the one suggested, with herself at the centre. I felt ignored and overlooked and as if I did not exist. Myself and the rest of the group were demoted to onlookers rather than active participants. This woman is an MZ womb twin survivor and she knows that. She had come to the worshop out of desperation, needing my help.

Here was her Beta self, of dependency and vulnerability, concealed behind her great skill and power to manipulate a group of people  into compliance with her wishes ( Alpha energy). The two energies worked together in her personality, Alpha and Beta, each with a different need: the Alpha demanded absolute power and the Beta was a Black Hole of neediness.

Only in the centre of  a supportive group could the healing proceed, for the MZ womb twin survivor does not know if he or she is in the land of the living or in the land of the dead. This doubt in her own existance in this world was clearly communicated to me, so that I ceased to exist and had no power or voice. I became her Beta twin and her Alpha could rule the roost for the next hour and a half.

The daily practice of dominating people, and from time to time giving them a severe case of existantial doubt, was this persons way to try and heal herself of the Alpha/Bete split in her psyche.  The life of a sole surviving MZ twin is not easy.

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