Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Womb twin survivors misdiagnosed: (3) "Obsessive-compulsive" disorder

On the womb twin forum recently there has been a thread about obsessive thoughts about a lost twin - was there a twin or not?   To obsess about anything - some small detail perhaps, or death, or  needing to feel safe or extremely clean - is probably best described as a preoccupation rather than as an obsession.
To obsess is to dominate or preoccupy the houghts, feelings, or desires of (a person); beset, trouble, or haunt persistently or abnormally.
Many years ago, when I began this project, I was accused by a dear friend of being in the grip of a "compulsion" to do this work.    I was hurt at the time by such a profound degree of misunderstanding of my own behaviour and motives, but after a while I began to understand that this said more about the person saying it than me.
A compulsion  is a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, especially one that is irrational or contrary to one's will.
Both concepts appear to concern the action of some external force upon the will of an individual. To believe that anything can act as some kind of external force  upon the will of an individual is to deny the possibility of choice.

A choice is an act of the will. It may be influenced by such things as coercion or threat, but ultimately is is a choice.  If you feel you have no choice, you are assuming you have no autonomy and possibly no brain of your own capable of independent action.

I believe that womb twin survivors fall into obsessions and compulsions as an expression of a deep sense of failure to have autonomy or control.  I believe that this is yet another example of keeping  alive ones lost beta twin, and in this case the beta twin had no autonomy, no capacity for independent action because he or she never developed a fully functioning brain.

Observe any compulsion on the TV: the shows about obesity (compulsive eating) hoarding, spending, gambling, alcholism,  drug addiction, compulsive caring, self harming, internet porn addiction,  etc etc. The story is always the same: an individual is out of control and heading for the 4D's - disaster, debt, divorce and death.
How to help?  To make progress, the obsessive-compulsive individual requires two opposing energies to be at work:
  • Someone to give them intelligent advice (while inwardly they feel patronised and infantilised)
  • Someone to take control (while inwardly they feel their personal privacy is being invaded)
  • Someone to provide incentives, praise, encouragement (while inwardly they are resisting personal growth with every ounce of their extremely strong will - their Alpha energy.)
The truth of their Alpha energy is in their resistance to change. Obsessive-compulsive behaviour is a brilliant method of using the power of one's will to resist any attempt by another individual to bring about behavioral change in the longer term.  Its a neat way to stay in the Beta space - weak, helpless and beset by forces beyond one's control.  It is a choice.  A stupid, self-sabotaging choice, but a choice nonetheless.

I believe that the best way to help someone with the so called " obsessive-compulsive disorder"  is to discuss the possible reasons why someone would willingly make a series of stupid, self defeating choices.  One reason could be clarified very quickly with a single question :  "Is it possible that you are a womb twin survivor?" 

[Read my new book for more about this]

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