Self-esteem is the key to personal power. It is the value you place on yourself. If you are an Alpha wombtwin survivor and you have deliberately thrown away your Alpha power, then you may be stuck in a “beta” space where you are acting out the life of your Beta wombtwin rather than your own. (Plus lashings of shame at your weakness of character, to provide a much-needed vehicle for survivor guilt.) This is a kind of assumed submission.
In this case you will say you “suffer from low self esteem” but this is a self-inflicted wound. Evidence of your talents mounts daily and it is becoming increasingly clear that you are not using them. Why you are not using them is a mystery to you, but you feel powerless to begin. Your self esteem may be low because you have chosen to put a low value on yourself as a person; you are assuming, quite wrongly, that other people hardly notice you at all and generally speaking you feel powerless.
In truth you have as much power as anyone else. You just don’t want power: you have given it away.
Someone may come and look after you so you never have to use your power again, but it would be better for you if someone helped you to see how you are throwng your power away. They may, if you are lucky, insist that you begin to take charge of your own life and develop some kind of mastery over yourself and others. Once your Beta twin has gone into the light, this may be possible.
You may choose to use your Alpha power as a shame trip by means of assumed dominance. Assumed dominance, used in such a way as to bring shame upon the dominator, lies behind some of the worst behaviour known to humankind. For example assumed dominance lies behind torture, murder of the innocent and the sexual abuse of children.
If you are ashamed of your Alpha power you may justify your dominatng behaviour as “ just trying to survive.” You may feel that the world is a hostile and dangerous place, so to survive one must be the first, the best and the strongest. Assumed dominance is driven by a fear of being annihilated or destroyed. It is a reenactment of your Beta twin’s doomed existance. In truth you deliberately misuse your Alpha power because you want to be punished and made to feel guilty and afraid of your own power to inflict pain upon others.
You may find a willing victim who will let you dominate them to your heart’s content, but it would be better if someone came and confronted you with the painful consequences of your actions while acknowledging and calming the fear that drives you to abuse your power over others, just because they submit.
The truly submissive Beta survivor
If you lost your Alpha twin then you are Beta survivor. Abortion survivors tend to be Beta survivors, because the Alpha twin tends to lie closest to the cervix. Any sharp instrument inserted into the vagina will puncture the aminiotic sac of the Alpha and cause a miscarriage, leaving the Beta alone.
If you are a Beta survivor you may invent some kind of dominant behavior in order to counteract your own sense of weakness. Lone beta twins do not manage very well alone, they seek out the support and compahers, not out of a sense of assumed weakness, but because they just need that alpha twin in order to finatin to the best of their ability.
A Beta survivor is genuinely willing to be second to others and is easily exploited. They are dependent on a stronger person being around but they can fight along with the rest for their own space. If you are a Beta survivor, you may find a strong pertson to care for you and protect you. In that case you will be able to function to a higher level that if you try to manage alone.
Surrendering your power
If you wish to be healed of your problem with your personal power it is vitally important that you recognise that all power is an illusion. We all have exactly as much power as other people are prepared to give us, and no more. When we witness natural disasters such as earthquakes or floods, we are made conscious of our lack of power.
Before you can let go of the illusion that your womb twin is still there alongside you, you must let go of the very notion of dominance and surrender your illusion of power. Only then will you be ready for the ritual of letting go.