MZ womb twin survivors - Alpha and Beta

Even when identical twins are so identical that you cant tell them apart, there is a follower and a leader. The follower is the Beta twin and the leader is the Alpha twin.

The curious thing is that womb twin survivors become identified with  their lost twin. They are the strong Alpha survivor, but they carry a little bit of Beta somewhere inside them, which holds them back and stops them from developing their potential.

When they act out the Beta side to themselves, they feel  as if they are invisible, of no account, powerless, helpless and weak.  All these feelings are difficult and painful. When they act out the Alpha side to themselves they feel strong, all powerful, dominant,  the No.1. Obviously the Alpha side is to be preferred, but even when the Alpha side is being acted out there are feelings of unease, guilt, even shame about acting in the way.

The only way to act out both sides is to create an amalgam of both, and live that way.  So one acts like an Alpha, but in a Beta kind of way. 

 An example of this would be to  insist ( Alpha) that everything is  perfectly arranged for your comfort, but to need this special arrangement because there is deep inside you a sense that you would not be able to cope (Beta) if things were at all disordered or difficult.

Simon, for example, had some kind of health crisis aged 32 which seemed to involve his heart  but was never fully diagnosed. This worried his wife, who spent the next 40 years of their long marriage waiting on him and making sure he didnt get tired. She went to great lengths to make things easy  for him - "Everything has to be perfect for Simon" was her cry.

Inevitably, Simon was able to dominate his wife for more than sixty years and be king of his house, making much of his physical weaknesses, while his servant wife worked ceaselessly to ensure his needs were met.

Simon was a womb twin survivor - at least he acted that way, I never asked him. It was so clear, watching the two of them interacting, that there was a paradox at work - Simon was obviously the weaker of the two but he was given pride of place and allowed to be No 1 in every situation, simply because he needed that.

Although he was always allowed to be No 1, it was obvious that his hard-working wife was quietly running the show.  There are a lot of marriages like that.

If you act like an alpha but in a beta kind of way, and if you spend a lot of time secretly protecting your weaker beta side, while all the time trying to compensate for it by applying additional Alpha energy, then you are truly being two people in one.

For an MZ womb twin survivor, that would make sense.