I have been having a breif but passionate email exchange with someone who strongly believes that "wombtwin survivor" is an unsuitable term, and we should rethink our use of words here.
The problem it seems is with the word "survivor" which seems to imply "victim", or "poor me".
For myself, the term "wombtwin survivor" is shorthand for "sole survivor of a twin conception" which is a term used by Dr Charles Boklage in the book "Multiple Pregnancy". (see here)
It has also been said that the term "wombtwin survivors" is a bit too glib: what about calling them "Castors" (after the myth of Gemini where Castor was the sole twin left here on earth.) I had a problem with this:- castor oil came to mind, which rather spoilt the classical image!
Anyhow, I am open to debate on this: any thoughts, anyone?
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
According to the Webster dictionary, survivor means:
ReplyDelete1 : to remain alive or in existence : live on
2 : to continue to function or prosper
Which I by no means understand to mean "victim" or "poor me". It seems that some people have the dying need to change or try intervene where there is no need. Some people just have to complain about anything and everything. We can all take a word and interpret many different things out of it. It seems to me Wombtwin survivor is a perfect description of what we are.
Perhaps the person complaining sees themselves as a victim...then they should discus these feelings with someone. I don't really see myself as that. I do wish my sister had survived (or 'lived on') too, but I understand there are reasons for many things, even if we cannot yet see or understand what these reasons are.
I definitely feel you were on the right track with this term and your website is a great help for working through these not yet dealt with feelings. Don't let yourself become confused by someone else's confusion...trust your instincts. Remember you can't please everyone, but I feel you are doing a great job! Thanks for the forum!
I should add that the Webster dictionary also says that "survivor" means as a transitive verb:
ReplyDelete1 : to remain alive after the death of "he is survived by his wife"
2 : to continue to exist or live after "survived the earthquake"
3 : to continue to function or prosper despite : withstand "they survived many hardships"
All of which or at least one pretty much sums up what happened or could have happened in the womb....
...correct me if I am wrong!
I love reading your blog...how was the documentary last weekend by the way?
Thanks kerrie.
ReplyDeleteThe first part of this documentary is focused on the fact that the baby on the womb is a "foreign body" as far as the mother's immune system is concerned. That means that if the mothers immune system is not string enough then the baby will be rejected in a miscarriage. The second part as I understand it will focus on how these intrauterine experiences have an effect on born life. That is what interests me, and I have been sending press releases out saying: "Hey! Notice that we do carry images from the womb into our born life, and this may explain a lot of adult psychology- such as being a wombtwin survivor!!"
Right on Althea...it is the second part I am interested in too! I am so thankful for your website...I probably would have troubles believing this too if I didn't feel it so much myself! You have given a voice to some of my inner most feelings. I am really enjoying reading one of your two books at the moment, by the way. It is so amazingly interesting and really causes me to go "OH...that is exactly how I am feeling or what I feel"...I have a hundred corners bent into to the pages already and when I am done reading it...I want to sit down and write a few things about my thoughts and feelings! I'll let you know when I am done!:)
ReplyDelete