The daily steps

So it's another day, and another step to take. I will take another 364 steps before I get to the end of 2011.  Today's step builds on yesterday's and thanks to Andrew's comment I have been made to think on those baby steps that seem to be the only thing possible when you are stuck in your beta space and lack the motivation to move forward.

So yes, today I make today's step.  In fact today is composed of little steps, tiny seemingly insignificant choices that will set the tone of the whole day.

The first step was the choice NOT to get  up and get on with the 10,000 things that have to be done but to rest and relax. But then that was not laziness, that was a perfectly understandable need to rest after the New year celebrations and two late nights carousing with friends, which is all as it should be at this time of the year.

The next step, made an hour later now refreshed and raring to go thanks to that rest, is to write today's blog and think on these things to help you all along the healing path.   You see, my next step after the publication of the womb twin survivors book on 1st March, just 8 tiny little weeks away,  is to write the Healing Path as a full sized published paperback book, replete with all the discoveries made in the six years since I wrote the ebook.

( If you are a first time reader  of this blog and have not a clue what these books are, see here on the Wren Publications web site)

The next step is a kind of orientation exercise, designed to get me doing something I have put off for 10 months - my tax return. The deadline is 30th January. If I don't find the motivation inwardly then I can find it outwardly - the March 1st deadline is self imposed, the January 30th deadline is a matter of law. Both highly motivating.

But deadlines are deadening when you are in your Beta space. They kill all motivation as you lock down into inactivity through fear and terror. They simply don't work. They get endlessly overshot in a lifetime of prevarication.

• But what if the whole idea is motivated, very, very strongly, by existential guilt?
• What if your whole life is driven by a desire NOT to live a full life?
• What if you are trying to keep your little beta twin alive by living your beta twins life?

Then it would all make perfect sense.

There would be a rational, intelligent, loving reason why you choose deliberately to throw your life away in endless prevarication.

Its an act of self sacrifice made out of love.

Misguided, pointless, but rather beautiful  and terribly sad.

That, my dears, is the non-life of the womb twin survivor.