At 32 weeks gestation, one of our identical twins died from an umbilical cord accident. My doctor performed an emergency C-section to save the surviving twin. She was very sick and lived on the ventilator for four days. She stayed in NICU for about a month before she came home. She is now 4 years old and has started Preschool. She is having a very difficult time. She has been crying every day--worried that I will not come to pick her up. (I have never left my child anywhere, ever.) I don't know where these feelings/fears of abandonment are coming from. All of a sudden she has some kind of seperation anxiety. She has gone to babysitters with no problem. I don't understand the school anxiety. (She does have twin sisters whom are 2 years old. We are not sure if they are identical. Both pregnancies were conceived naturally.) She has always known about her twin. We talk about her often. Could it be that she is old enough now to see and understand the bond between her twin sisters and could this be causing her to miss her own twin and possibly have feelings of loneliness??? Your insight would be greatly appreciated. I just don't understand her feelings right now. It breaks my heart to think she is feeling lonely and/or missing her twin.
My advice was this:
- This little girl simply needs to understand that her feelings are appropriate and not in any way wrong or a mistake.
- The fact that Mum doesn't understand her feelings may be a real problem because identical twin survivors need to be understood without ever having to explain.
- Some drawing, painting modelling with clay or sand may help her to express the inexpressible.
- A twin substitute, which she can take to school with her, may also help.
I await a response from this worried mother.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
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