Chapter 23: A fragile sense of self

Womb twin survivors can become so strongly identified with their womb twin that they cannot find their true selves.  They may not be sure if they are truly male or female, visible or invisible, of vital importance or of no account whatever.  This chapter will explore the various ways in which aspects of the Dream of the Womb can weaken your sense of self.

All my life I have been pretending to be someone else, and I know it’s not my authentic self

We are told that an authentic self is real and whole and carries no elements borrowed or assimilated from anyone else, which means acknowledging and representing one’s true self, values, beliefs and behaviours to oneself and others.  If you are a womb twin survivor and you are always putting on a false front to the world, then there may be a good reason why you are not acknowledging and living your life as your true self.

You may have created a false identity to cover up your inadequacies; you may be too much identified with your chosen profession so that the “real you” is hardly ever visible; you may like to please people so you are perpetually nice and never get angry: you may conceal your true feelings and always say “I don’t mind” when really you do.   To be “inauthentic” is to project a false self and keep your true self hidden from the world, as if you always wear some kind of mask. There is a natural process whereby one can become identified with a person or social group and even with an imagined concept of how the ideal individual should be.  When you identify yourself with a person or group, you are choosing to take on some characteristics of that person, in order to construct an identity for yourself.  In the same way, as a womb twin survivor you may have become completely identified with your own fragile, tiny womb twin.  This may be so long-established that it feels absolutely authentic for you to run the womb script of I feel fragile deep inside, for example, and therefore assume that you need constant emotional support.  You have probably felt this way for as long as you can remember and it seems to express your authentic self.  In fact, you have been living the life of your Beta womb twin as if it were your own. This is not your true identity: your assumption, I am fragile, is in your Dream. You are not fragile, you are the strong Alpha survivor.

All my life I have felt empty inside
If you are a womb twin survivor, you may have experienced a sense of inner emptiness.  This kind of emptiness inside has been variously described, as a sense of lack or a feeling of meaninglessness. Emptiness inside may be triggered by some external event, such as being left alone, or the death of someone near.  For most womb twin survivors it is mostly a sense of being lost, forsaken, yearning and confused. Inner emptiness has been beautifully described as “an ineluctable trace of nothingness in our being, of death in our life.” An inner void inside you may be a womb memory - a sense of having lost something infinitely precious.  You probably feel as if the loss of your twin reduced you to a fraction of what you might have become, had your twin  remained alive.  There are a hundred ways to fill inner emptiness. A common one is addiction.  Robert Lefever, director of the Promis Clinic in London, has focused his work on what he calls the “spiritual void” that is to be found in all addicts. The Womb Twin hypothesis has an alternative explanation for the spiritual void that drives addictive behaviour: it is the pre-birth loss of your twin who was too weak to be able to survive and remain with you.


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