Chapter 22: Self defeating behaviour

For womb twin survivors there is a perfectly normal and reasonable explanation for self-defeating behaviour.  It can be seen as a specific re-enactment of a pre-birth tragedy, where a great deal of personal happiness and fulfilment is being deliberately sacrificed, in memory of a lost twin.  There are many ways to be self-defeating, each with its own meaning. 
If you are a womb twin survivor, it may help you to know that there are good reasons why you have chosen one particular kind of self-defeating behaviour over another.  A personal study of the particular way you have chosen to sabotage your life will take you straight back to the Dream and give you a clear rendition of what went on in the womb all those years ago.  You survived, but your twin did not. That seems to be the crucial issue but there is more to it than that.

Holding on, letting go
Womb twin survivors have a pre-birth experience of holding on and not wanting to let go, which is expressed in specific ways, including the accumulation of possessions and the inability to let go of unfinished projects.  These two behaviours go together.  The Womb Twin research project revealed that most of the people who strongly agreed to the statement about “stuff” also agreed strongly with the statement about unfinished projects. 

I find it hard to let go of unfinished projects, I am always going to finish them one day
This behaviour is concerned with holding on and letting go.  If your life and your home is cluttered with projects that have never come to fruition, each unfinished project might be a subtle re-enactment of your Dream of the Womb.  The frail body of your lost twin, who died unfinished and faded away, can be in a sense retained by you in each project, which starts with a Grand Plan but never comes to anything.   Some womb twin survivors are creative people who start several projects at once and this  contributes to the mess and clutter in their homes.  Unfinished projects are broken dreams and promises unfulfilled, all of which denies you the satisfaction of a job well done.  A constant, imagined reproach emanates from every project lying about in your home or garden waiting to be finished - an excellent resting place for floating feelings of guilt.

If you are a womb twin survivor you may hold on to every project you start but leave unfinished.  In that way, you are not breaking the promise you made to complete it.  If this is your life, then your  home is littered with unfinished projects, such as a pile of unread books or a shed filled with potentially useful pieces of wood.  Your mind may be filled with unfulfilled dreams such as a new garden design or a major creative project involving recycled waste, which of course must not be thrown away.  For you, the original unfulfilled dream is still there, in your Dream of the Womb. 


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