Children who suffer from separation anxiety hate goodbyes, as this book shows.
Adults also suffer from separation anxiety, in that they feel anxious when connection is lost -
When I first heard of womb twin survivors, I immediately thought that it might explain some feelings I have and "memories" I have from being in the womb. I have always had an interest in twins, although I would not describe it as a "great" interest (meaning more than I assume and it appears most people have). I have had and have feelings that many would define as and associate with the term depression.
As a child, I remember being accused by my mother of being too sensitive, and I currently am very aware of my feelings and the feelings of others, which may or may not fit the definition of hypersensitive. I have "memories" and feelings from being in the womb and re-occurring dreams of being in the dark and being terrified of losing my life. I can remember a period of my very early childhood when I wasn't afraid of the dark.
I also remember feeling a certain level of connection with my parents, a blanket, sucking my thumb, and imaginary companions during this period, and felt like these connections--particularly the one with my parents--could protect me, even in the dark, so I remember the dark not occuring to me as being scary then. Likewise, I was not afraid of dark or other things killing me at that time, since I felt protected, but at some point I became terrified of the dark again (this was when it began to feel like my parents couldn't protect me from death and the dark.) I currently continue to be afraid of the dark when get scared from some external event (e.g. seeing a movie that seems scary to me) or when I don't feel connected to someone.
When I feel a certain connection with someone out there in the world - for example when I have a boyfriend I feel connected to in a special way - I am not afraid or as afraid of the dark, even when I have to sleep alone in a dark room. When I don't feel that connection or have been recently scared by some external event, I can be very afraid of the dark, especially when I have to sleep alone, even when someone is in the next room. I wouldn't say that I "hate" goodbyes" in the way some people seem to hate them, but I think that I really steal myself against them and numb out many feelings that come up there.
In this way the pain of abandonment, which began in the Dream, is fully communicated. Any parent whose beloved child has left home without explanation and has never been heard of since, can testify to that.
What this person wrote could have been written by me. I, too had the attachment to my sucking my thumb, with a particular blanket. I could not go to sleep at night without these. This phase lasted until I was 6 and na half. When my father left on business trips, I was hysterical and almost inconsolable. I was truly worried he would not return. Ironically, I was not as worried as when my mother went away. To this day I cannot sleep in total darkness. I keep the tv on most of the night, with the sound turned down low. I had a recurring dream as a 6 or 7 year old about an extremely dark place that had an eerie purple glow about it.A child I knew from school was always in the dream, beckoning me in. I was terrified because I needed to see where I was going and how large or small the room was. In real life I have had issues with very large, high-ceiling rooms or extremely small places, like elevators. I believe this arose from my very first experiences in the womb, which I shared and it was very claustrophobic.
ReplyDeleteAre there any more "thumb suckers" among you survivors? I did that too together with a blanket and did question myself yesterday whether this had anything to do with being a wombtwin survivor.
ReplyDeleteAnd to add to the subject it's horrible to say goodbye to somebody you have opened yourself up to. I am definitely afraid of abandonment.
I never sucked my thumb, but I had an attatchment to a blanket and a little teddy bear. I had to have this bear with me when I was sleeping, not so much during the day, but always at bedtime. If I didn't have my bear, I had anxiety and wouldn't sleep until I found it. My parents tried to replace it with a larger bear that was harder to misplace, but I wouldn't have it. I only wanted the small one. I also have to leave the t.v. on at night so I'm not in the dark. I'm terrified of the dark. I don't like nightlights though. I have to have some sort of low noise along with the light. I don't do well with goodbyes at all. Especially if it's a family member or friend I'm very close to. When they leave I fall into pieces like I'm never going to see them again. Of course now I recognize this to be because I'm a womb twin survivor, but it doesn't make it easier. I'm afraid of abandonment as well.
ReplyDeleteWomb twin survivors need that sense of someone very near. In the dark and warm in bed, it's the closest you would get these days to being in the womb. It's a profound and persistent memory, and it's how to hold on to that vague feeling of your twin nearby. I am now writing the book about healing, and there will be some ideas there, that may help any of you who are afraid of the dark.
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