Ever since I was a little girl, I have had self esteem and depression issues. From third grade up I disappeared in a strong imaginary world, where I cared about the people there more than the people I lived with. That is, until a year ago. Out of pretty much nowhere, my "imaginary" (I truly feel that he is real) twin brother appeared.
I still have my "imaginary" twin brother and I named him. From the moment I first spoke to him I knew he had been with me my whole life, and that I had always known him. I do not feel that he is a body who disappeared in the womb, I feel that he is an attachment to my soul, and a separate person. Perhaps I have a severe identity issues, but I do not think that is the case.
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
Your story could have been written by me, for the aspects are so similar. I, too had a lot of depression and self-esteem issues from a very young age, coupled with an eating disorder. I had an "imaginary" friend, (that is what other people thought she was) but she was not imaginary at all, it was my twin sister who never left my side. I always knew it was a girl, and she, too, has a separate soul but we are very much together all the time. She has been a guardian angel for me throughout my life when I should have died but somehow she helped me in my darkest hour. Incidentally, I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and personality disorder(many years ago) My current doctor doesn't think I ever really was schizophrenic. I have come to believe in the last couple of years, since discovering this community, that all my symptoms were the result of having my identical twin sister so deeply entwined within me and I couldn't sort it out and make sense of it. Thank God now I have. Welcome to our beautiful family of wombtwin survivors and I sincerely pray that things will get easier for you. You are cared about by all of us.
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