I am 21 and have always felt incomplete, I have bouts of severe depression and need something, someone there that does not exist. I recently asked my mother about the times around my birth, she confessed she was forced to abort and realised she was pregnant soon after.
I asked her for some reason if there was any chance I may have been a twin. She turned pale and asked me, why do you say that? She had thought this too but had given up the notion.
I wonder if in fact I had a womb twin that was killed and I survived somehow. I suppose I will never know. Nor will I find the person and the comfort I have searched for all my life.
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through. It is always unbelievably sad to lose a twin in any manner, but I think through abortion is a particularly bad way. But maybe I can try to put it in perspective for you...this is the way I deal with the loss of my twin, which was a natural death, but it's the same nonetheless.. your twin served his or her karma simply by being alive for those few weeks with you in the womb. As devastating as it was, he or she was meant to leave at that time. But he/she did not depart entirely, or you would not sense his/her presence. That is something that is very unique to all of us as survivors. We somehow sense our twins around us! It may come to light at a very early age, or later as adults, but we do know it. That is why you are having so much depression. I, too, was bombarded with unrelenting depression around your age. I still have it, but its not as bad. Reading up on all the available information on wombtwins is a big help. Little by little, the puzzle pieces will come together for you. There is a huge wombtwin community here for you to help and give you solace and comfort. You are loved and understood here. Best wishes, friend.
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