I'm a 33 yr old recovering alcoholic female. I have always felt lost and even at my happiest I have felt like a fraud. I'm more of a man than most the men I date.
I grew up on a farm with a no nonsense father so I always have contributed my tomboyish way/mentality to that. I am however very heterosexual and love the companionship of a man to a fault.
I feel guilty most days in most moments and have been grieving everything my whole life.
Believe it or not, I have made great changes in my life of the past 5 yrs of sobriety. People now see me as a positive, fun, free spirit of a person and I find great joy in that.
I have been a seeker of healing most of my life and in the last 5 yrs have been very open to any and all channels of spiritual, mental and physical growth.
I recently saw a holistic/alternative chiropractor that told me I had a vanishing twin. He explained that is why I have struggled with abandonment issues my whole living life even though I have no history of being abandoned.
I talked to my mother about this and she told me that until her 5th month of pregnancy, she was told I was possibly twins because she gained so much weight in the beginning. She only gained 3-5 lbs in the last 3 months of here pregnancy and when she went for a check up in the beginning November she was told I was fully developed but the would wait and see when I decided to come.
Her due date for me was Dec 18th, I was born on the 19th. Almost 10 lbs with a full head of hair, beautiful coloring, eyelashes and thick nails.
I have always joked that I didn't want to come into this world, that is why I was a 'month' late. I didn't know that I was possibly a surviving twin and to be honest, I'm having a bit of a hard time with it. It explains so much, but I have no idea what to do now.
Personal support online or by Skype is available for womb twin survivors
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
This is exactly what happened with my oldest son, who I have always felt had a twin who vanished without a trace. I had a very rough pregnancy, hyperemesis gravidarum which is the excessive vomiting like Duchess Kate has, a lot of weight gain in the beginning. My due date was March 5 (I had an ultrasound) and he was born April 6. He was a forceps baby because he was "stuck". He had dyslexia and is left-handed. They did not tell me about the missing twin in the beginning because they still didn't know very much about it at that time (1979) but a lot of things point to it.
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