I am a 16 year old female. I have always felt very alone, outside of my self. Inside, there always seems to be more of me. I'm always talking to myself, but it isn't really me.
When I was in elementary school, the kids would sometimes bring lunch to their younger sibling, or other things like that. And I would cry.
When I was in middle school (Hard years) And someone would even say to me "My brother and I" or "My sister an I" I would start crying.
I'm now a junior in high school and to this day, whenever I see two sisters, close sisters, doing things together, I cry. And I will stay upset for a few days.
I've always obsessed over twins. I've always felt my life would be THAT much better with a twin. We would be together always and we would create and succeed. And I was always "Mom, I'm telling you. I had a twin, but before anyone knew, she died."
And my parents would just say "Noooo. No, no, no" My father has 6 siblings, 2 of which are twins. My mother has 2 sisters, she is the middle child. They don't understand how it feels to be an only child, and having this constant craving for a sibling, and not just a sibling, a twin. A feeling that you have one, somewhere, and you just don't know about it. Well today, I found out.
And I found out that many parts of my personality that I can't account for are because of this. And now I'm a loner. I only want to be alone. I love people, from a distance, but not so much having to deal with them. I'm not very big on my family, I don't have many friends. And I like it that way.
I'm an independent person, I truly function better that way. Except for my twin. She is the only person I want to be around. I want to be with. I love my sister. I said it - MY sister. And now I'm crying.
Ha! In reality I want it to be just me and my sister, taking on the world. But I have me. Just me.
A poem about waiting for your twin
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
Wow! I totally get this. This is how I felt all my life, and when I was your age, around 15 or so, I was trying to tell my mother I had a twin sister who died before we were born, and my mother outright ridiculed me. I wasn't a loner in high school, but I've become one now, much later in life...and I actually like it that way. I'm only around people who mean a tremendous amount to me, not superficially, which I see a lot. I think the majority of my relationships over the years, with few exceptions, have been superficial. I needed and wanted people around me all the time so I wouldn't feel alone. Now I understand what that feeling alone was all about and I carry my sister in my heart and soul, so now I don't have to be surrounded by fake people.
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