Intrauterine Memories of Twinship Experiences

Intrauterine Memories
of
Twinship Experiences

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By John A. Speyrer

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Ever since I began the primal process, almost 30 years ago, I kept reading about other's regressions which I felt had aspects which were improbable or most likely impossible. But then, thinking about my frame of mind before I began my own regressions in therapy, I realize that I would not have believed it possible to access some of the material I have felt in primal therapy. For example, as an infant, having visions of my mother's bathrobe with its complicated design, and having other remarkable very early visions would have seemed impossible to me. [ See Three Visual Primals ]. Even after I began regressions in therapy, I felt that I would not re-live my own birth traumas since my mother and other family members had assured me that I had had a normal birth. But since I have been reliving my birth traumas for the past 29 years, my perception of my birth process was very different from that of my close relatives. Accordingly, I have become less doctrinaire about the limits of primal regressions into and beyond the intrauterine period and ultimately to one's very beginnings. For a number of decades, I had been hearing and reading that inutero twins "know" that they have a partner with them. After I myself had experienced both physical and and emotional intrauterine primals, I became more open to the possiblity that returning to the womb was possible. Later, I attended primal workshops near New Orleans and witnessed such early twin regressions in others. Last week, a local newspaper interviewed a woman who was a twin but had lost her twin soon before birth. The twin sister had died inutero 10 days before the surviving twin was born. She mentioned how the very early loss of her sister had affected her life. She often felt an overwhelming loneliness and sadness as a result of the loss and mentioned that when she met other surviving twins she felt a deep affinity with them. She ended the interview saying that it is very important that the survivor be told that they had lost a twin sibling.

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Dr. Alice Rose, who practices primal therapy in Atlanta, has written in Bonds of Fire, how early trauma can be destructive to relationships. She has developed a questionnaire that helps to identify potential twin-loss patients. In her book she has listed sixty-eight personality traits in those who have suffered inutero twin-loss.10 She calls death in utero of a twin the Vanishing Twin Syndrome and quotes Dr. William R. Emerson who believes "that at least 40% of conceptions are twins, but that one twin dies." Losing a twin means that the person becomes engaged in a life-long search for his or her beloved. Such loss can have devastating effects, Dr. Rose writes. The surviving twin may feel guilty and they often grieve their unknown loss. In relationships those who have lost a twin much prefer relating to one person at a time; they are very loyal. They may even remain loyal to those who abuse them. Everyone they meet is the potential lost twin. They even have trouble with sleeping alone! They never again want to risk any type of loss.11 Dr, Rose writes that food is an important issue with a surviving twin - there is guilt that they eat too much, yet at the same time, feel they can never have enough food. Dieting may trigger feelings of inadequate nourishment which were first felt in their mother's womb. Severe dieting may make them feel that they are dying. Loneliness is a constant problem. Twin loss can even result in severe depression. Inutero twin-loss reveals itself primarily in relationships, especially intimate ones. Reliving one's past while regressed may often mean consciously living the repressed trauma for the first time. This helps to dissipate some or most of the stresses and relationship problems which are sometimes the result of in utero twin-loss. A twin described the origin of his lifelong problem of feeling that anything beneficial for him was felt as a deprivation for others. He traced it to a uterine feeling. Most of my life, anything that felt real good to me took away from somebody else, particulary the nine months before I was born. It seemed like any food or any space that I got, Claire didn't get. I can remember times when I would move my body in a way to get more room in the womb, but I would hold any joy about it inside. I couldn't let my body let Claire know about it because if I got more space, it meant she got less space. So, this is a unique thing for me to say, 'Hey, I got something that's really neat for myself', and for somebody else to say, 'That's really neat' too. It's still something that's hard to get used to. Feels real good . . .  [If you find any similar articles relating to twin loss in utero, please make a comment below with a link, thanks! ]