Well, a bit of a gap in these postings but it has been busy in May!
To start with, a series of workshops in Portugal. I learned more about how to balance the presentation, rich in medical detail about the lost twin and also showing some of the research results to far, and the group workshops, which allow people to contact their feelings about their own lost twin and begin to find a way forward.
It seems to depend on the audience: if there is a room full of wombtwin survivors, they will probably be anxious to get on with a workshop, but if there are a lot of psychologists, social workers etc who are not wombtwin survivors themselves ( or if they are they dont want to consider that possibility) then they will be happy to stay theoretical. At the workshop in Lisbon this became clear: we stayed theoretical because there were not all that many wombtwin survivors, but we did have some time for exercises - emptiness; being alone; being abandoned.... among other things. The exercises ended up as a kind of dramatherapy mixed with dance and ritual-I make it up as I go along because this is something we have to explore intuitively rather than be too proscriptive. The survivors found it helpful and the observers were amazed at the strength of the feelings engendered by the exercises- it would seem to be good for both groups to mix them, after all.
The main idea that came forward from this delightful weekend with wonderful people was to help the young children who are wombtwin survivors. We heard a seven year old tell the story of her own lost twin in simple ideas and words, and this seems to be the perfect thing to do: to make a simple story book with lovely colourful images using this simple story.
We know that wombtwin survivors benefit from knowing why they feel as they do, but its very hard for parents to broach the subject with their child. A story book would seem to be the answer. Claudia (who will be known to you from the forum) is masterminding this project, so comments please either here or on the forum.
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
Showing posts with label wombtwn survivors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wombtwn survivors. Show all posts
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Out of your Beta space!
I am editing Nick Owens talk as an audio file for the site and one of the questions has brought something to light for me: the "Alpha" twin who survives and the "Beta" twin who does not. The wombtwin survivor (in particular the identical wombtwin survivor) lives them both out.
The wombtwin survivor has two modes of being: in one (the Alpha space) he or she is the active, strong survivor, with cognitive capacity, agency and mastery. In the other, (the Beta space) he or she is the torpid, weak, lost twin, in a state of cognitive incapacity, helplessness and dependency.
The question at the conference was: "When you wake up in your Beta space, how do you get out of it?"
It's a big problem, because the sense of helpless incapacity that characterises the Beta space tends to hold you there is a state of spiritual paralysis.
It's as if the Dream of the Womb is rendered all-powerful and all-consuming, eclipsing any sense of normal existence. Drenched in that sense of total lifelessness, the survivor is rendered unable to function normally and is left unable to make choices or decisions, to act or to make anything happen. This is a state of mind that is similar to clinical depression, but may never be diagnosed at such. A more likely diagnosis is bi-polar disorder, for the Alpha state and the Beta state are so different from one another.
For the Beta state does pass. Antidepressants, therapy, strong social pressure and other outside influences may force one out of the Beta state into something that passes for an Alpha state - at least something a bit more functional and active. Yet there is always the risk that the Dream will come again and eclipse the Alpha energy once more, and the will to live is gone once more.
So how to get back that will to live? There seems to be several ways to do this.
Recapture Alpha energy
As you lie there unable to get up and get on with life, you can cast your mind back to a time when you were active, masterful and clever. You were the Alpha survivor then and that capacity is still within you. Catch hold of that energy and use it to get out of bed.
Increase activity
Just do something. Get up; wash; make a cup of coffee. Walk; run. Anything. Give yourself examples of how active you truly are; how alive you are. By simple activities, rediscover your Alpha energy.
Notice when you enter the Dream
Notice how the negative Beta energy swamps you. As you sit there, feeling eclipsed, notice that this is your Dream of the Womb. In the Dream you are closest to your lost twin. You are in the Dream because you want to be there. This is a deliberate choice. In the Dream you are not alone. As you recreate the Dream you pretend to be a zombie: dead yet alive. But this is not true, this is just a Dream, formed out of love and longing.
Be prepared to leave the Dream
It's your choice - to live the life you have been given - a great gift!- or to go on living the Dream.
How would you choose?
The wombtwin survivor has two modes of being: in one (the Alpha space) he or she is the active, strong survivor, with cognitive capacity, agency and mastery. In the other, (the Beta space) he or she is the torpid, weak, lost twin, in a state of cognitive incapacity, helplessness and dependency.
The question at the conference was: "When you wake up in your Beta space, how do you get out of it?"
It's a big problem, because the sense of helpless incapacity that characterises the Beta space tends to hold you there is a state of spiritual paralysis.
It's as if the Dream of the Womb is rendered all-powerful and all-consuming, eclipsing any sense of normal existence. Drenched in that sense of total lifelessness, the survivor is rendered unable to function normally and is left unable to make choices or decisions, to act or to make anything happen. This is a state of mind that is similar to clinical depression, but may never be diagnosed at such. A more likely diagnosis is bi-polar disorder, for the Alpha state and the Beta state are so different from one another.
For the Beta state does pass. Antidepressants, therapy, strong social pressure and other outside influences may force one out of the Beta state into something that passes for an Alpha state - at least something a bit more functional and active. Yet there is always the risk that the Dream will come again and eclipse the Alpha energy once more, and the will to live is gone once more.
So how to get back that will to live? There seems to be several ways to do this.
Recapture Alpha energy
As you lie there unable to get up and get on with life, you can cast your mind back to a time when you were active, masterful and clever. You were the Alpha survivor then and that capacity is still within you. Catch hold of that energy and use it to get out of bed.
Increase activity
Just do something. Get up; wash; make a cup of coffee. Walk; run. Anything. Give yourself examples of how active you truly are; how alive you are. By simple activities, rediscover your Alpha energy.
Notice when you enter the Dream
Notice how the negative Beta energy swamps you. As you sit there, feeling eclipsed, notice that this is your Dream of the Womb. In the Dream you are closest to your lost twin. You are in the Dream because you want to be there. This is a deliberate choice. In the Dream you are not alone. As you recreate the Dream you pretend to be a zombie: dead yet alive. But this is not true, this is just a Dream, formed out of love and longing.
Be prepared to leave the Dream
It's your choice - to live the life you have been given - a great gift!- or to go on living the Dream.
How would you choose?
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