Friday, March 11, 2011

The narcissistic womb twin survivor (3) ideal love

The criterion today is one left from yesterday that has the strongest connection to the loss of a twin:

(2)  is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.


The question of IDEAL LOVE


There is within the narcissistic womb twin survivor a constant yearning for the lost half of themselves.




The falsely contructed illusion is one of perfection where the narcissist is unable to perceive that he has any flaws, however the world around him and the people in it are all deeply flawed. He seeks out perfection in others to find his ideal love or true match. Although he may initially believe he has found his perfect partner, he is quickly disappointed when the partner begins to invite him to see another perspective that isn't based on his image of perfection. [more from this site]



There have been countless attempts to explain why this yearning exists, and why  it is so all-consuming.  It seems to be love for oneself, but in this case the self is in the mirror, in every way reversed.  Yet to keep gazing upon this mirror image of himself Narcissus ignored everyone else, including the Nymph, Echo, who loved him deeply, focused only on this life-long, self-imposed task and in the end died alone and unfulfilled.


My small experience of identical (MZ) womb twin survivors shows that they are deeply concerned about themselves, as if they have a deep sense of weakness, inadequacy and failure that they must constantly seek to overcome. The only answer is to be reunited with their lost other half. This is the ideal relationship that would make them whole again. Narcissism is therefore a perfectly reasonable, but misplaced attempt to replace the irreplaceable.  It is futile, but nevertheless the yearning remains, even until death.



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