He is full of rage, pain, hurt and a sense of betrayal that seems to have nowhere to sit. He says that the "narcissists mother is abusive", ie. that narcissism is caused by the parents. What actually happens is that narcissistic children arrive in this world with a sense of entitlement, and loving parents soon become slaves if they don't watch out. I know, I've seen that happen.
As I have said before, the narcissistic person is divided within himself, and constantly fights with himself. Unless he is constantly responded to and reacted against (with praise or blame, its all one to him) he is terrified that he will cease to exist. His sense of existential doubt is so strong that he (or she) needs to create all kinds of chaos, noise and conflict just to keep the emotional temperature high enough to feed on and keep him alive as a player in the game of life..
He is constantly demanding but must need no one; he is cold and unemotional but full of seething rage. A wonderful paradox. Alpha and Beta all at once.
The list of characteristics that Sam comes out with as he continues his endless self examination, sounds exactly like an identical wombtwin survivor. Take a look and see.
The truth is that the a fear of inadequacy fuels all narcissistic behaviours. Sooner than be thought inadequate by anyone, he (or she) will try to dominate everyone else, and expect to have everyone feed him (or her)in body, mind and soul. Here we have the little surviving identical twin, whose twin was lost very early and really did cease to exist - never came to much and was probably damaged in some way.
When will Sam Vakin realise the truth about himself? Probably never. After all, if he really does want to be self-defeating, then learning, awakening and self growth will be the last thing on his mind. Meanwhile, we look on, amused - and trying not to laugh.
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