Tales for the journey: Orthan's herd ( scapegoating)

Once there were two goats, Ermey and Orthan. They were brothers. Their master Eblis, looked after them well. Eblis heard that the King needed two goats of purest white for the annual ceremony of atonement. When the spring came and the harvest was gathered, Eblis got his heart's desire: his goats were chosen. One would live and the other would die.

In the palace yard, Ermey and Orthan were standing on a wooden dais, while people scrutinised them from every angle. The King came out of the palace and sat on his throne. He studied them for a long time. The goats held their breath but they knew that they had no need to fear.. The King reached out his hand and touched Ermey. "This goat is without blemish. This goat is chosen." Ermey was lifted down from the dais and lead away. The two goats, who had lived all their lives together until this moment, exchanged glances of farewell.

Orthan was taken out of the city to a clearing, where a few people were gathering. They had pieces of cloth and paper in their hands and some of them were carrying buckets and brushes. There came a great shout from the city centre: "We offer his life in sacrifice of atonement!" And at once Orthan knew, with a great wrench in his heart, that his brother was dead. Orthan wanted to die too, rather than live on without his brother.

A healing path (3) The Black Hole - invented shame

One perfect way to keep yourself in a Black Hole in order to keep your Dream alive, in the habit of  invented shame.

There is a kind of shame that bears no relationship to reality: it is the fear of shame arising out of saying a "wrong thing" or doing a “wrong thing" that inhibits a person absolutely.   Rather than experience the shame of having done the “wrong thing” the individual does nothing at all.   If he happens to do just that ‘wrong thing,” he makes an excuse such as he “wasn't aware”; “he didn’t mean it” or he is “sure he didn’t do it’ at all.  In short, he denies the fact that he may be responsible for doing something , plus the possible knock-on effects of his actions.

Now this is “invented” shame. The person is genuinely feeling shame and feeling inhibited by that shame, yet he is not at all sure what he is ashamed of.  A sure sign, in my view, that this a re-enactment of the lost twin in the Dream of the Womb, where survivor guilt is so prevalent.

Healing (8) Shame

The greatest burden carried by womb twin survivors is survivor guilt. You can notice this by the fact that you try to live two lives at once, squeezing two jobs or maybe more, plus a variety of interests and projects, into every week. If there are not enough hours in the day to do anything properly, then nothing gets finished properly. Everything is rushed and done at the last minute. There is little satisfaction in that. The result is that you focus your entire life on other people and your main source of satisfaction is that they are happy.

A few moments of reflection may show you what is being recycled here: Your guilt is such that you give your life away to others. By living two lives at once you end up with no real satisfaction in life at all except what you have done for others.